Becky had a baby and I'm feeling...

My friend (and Siamese twin) Becky just had her sixth child, Gianna Therese. And I am a jumble of mixed emotions. I am so joyful that there is a new healthy baby in the world. And relieved that the birth went well, as I know pregnancy takes its toll on a woman's body (esp. the "more mature" woman). But I'm not surprised that Becky had a quick labor, her body knows how to have babies (unlike mine which always needed help). I am grateful for my friend's unselfish example of commitment to family life. It gives me a place to look for support when the going gets tough. I'm very frustrated right now at being too far away to offer help with meals and housework. And to drop in and hold that beautiful newborn for a little while. Which leads to the scary fact that I'm just a little bit jealous. There is nothing more special than caring for a brand new baby. (Yeah, I know they grow up. And they are still special then, but in a different way.) I am also feeling a little bit guilty because although I am jealous, I am not willing to have another one myself. I guess that's my selfishness again. But I do congratulate Becky and wish her all the best, including a good night's sleep!