Merry Christmas!

It started on Friday...the Christmas spirit came in slowly. We went and cut down a tall skinny Christmas tree that fit perfectly in the living room. And in the evening we had a cookie party with some friends and decorated (and ate) many cookies. On Saturday we enjoyed our decorations and did some wrapping and "festive eating", including a delicious salmon dinner. The we went to Midnight Mass, (well, actually 10:30 , but we came home about midnight). That was very Christmassy and we saw some friends and actually gave the Merry Christmas greeting. The magical part was being able to sleep in until 9:30 in the morning! I got up and started work on dinner (lasagne) so I would just have to pop it in the oven later. Then we had a great brunch and the gift opening began. Its fun to take turns and actually enjoy watching other family members open the stuff you picked out for them. I was really impressed that someone paid enough attention that I got new slippers and a programmable crock pot and a new travel cosmetic case and some yummy gifts like chocolate biscotti and chocolate covered cherries. We finished the evening by watching a movie together after our delicious dinner. It was just a great family day...which is what holidays should be all about.

My Favorite Christmas gift (so far)

Yes! A new fridge! It is a family gift and not just for me...Even if it was I would share. :)
I especially like being able to get water to drink without opening the door!

In the news...

Agents are particularly frustrated that they cannot get approval to use Section 215 of the Patriot Act, called the "library provision" by Patriot Act critics because it could be used to search library or any other business records.

One FBI e-mail from 2003 complains that the Office of Intelligence Policy and Review (OIPR) "should be embarrassed that the FBI has used this valuable tool to fight terrorism exactly ZERO times."

The e-mail goes on: "The inability of FBI investigators to use this seemingly effective tool has had a direct and clearly adverse impact on our terrorism cases. While radical militant librarians kick us around, true terrorists benefit from OIPR's failure to let us use the tools given to us."

Interesting times...I'm not sure what I think about this. Talk amongst yourselves....

Signs and wonders

Elizabeth is coming home tomorrow. And Matthew got out the Christmas lights. There are snowflakes in the window. There's a box of wrapping paper in the upstairs hallway. There are 3 lit candles in the Advent wreath. The calendar says its December. Even baby Max has arrived. All the signs point to it being nearly Christmas. But I don't feel it yet. The stores have been playing the same music for weeks already, and so far I just find it annoying. Oh how I need a little spirit of Christmas! Maybe I really do need to think about gifts and wrapping and cookies...but I'm not quite ready yet. Is it because I secretly relish the panic of last minute preparation? Or is it because I know I will never really be ready for the hype? I am trying to be peaceful and spiritual and just keep it a wonderful family time. But I don't know who else has expectations that I'm failing miserably to meet. (Well maybe I suspect, but I'm trying to suppress that too). I guess I need to make a pre-New Year's resolution to try just a little harder this week. Maybe I will try to get organized tomorrow when I'm alone for a few hours. But that means I need to get in to work and get stuff done today (another concentration problem...ooh am I a mess). Well, here goes...

Selective hearing

The kitchen timer on the microwave is beeping. I can hear it. But I did not set it, so I don't have to turn it off. Apparently the man who set it does not hear it, or does not remember that he set it; no wait, he thinks it will turn itself off. I tell him I don't think it will, it never does. He thinks we should find out. My guess is that it would eventually drive me insane, but he would still be sitting here ignoring it, and that in fact it would not turn it self off for hours and hours.
I believe it must be in the same realm as the telephone ringing. I, and only I, can hear it ring and answer it. And no, it does not matter whether or not it is for me, but as my whole family *wrongly* contends, it is always for me. Actually it is usually for me; but if I have to run, wash my hands, get up from a warm cozy position, or wake up to answer it, inevitably it is for someone else.

Pseudo High

I did not sleep well last night. Okay and well you ask, what's new? This was the kind of chemical wakefulness that would not let me sleep restfully. I realized that over the last week I have ingested 6 small red pseudoephedrine pills, which although it is only 1/2 adult dose, once a day, has built up enough in my body to keep me awake (no matter how tired). I suspect it may also be responsible for the bizarre dreams of the last few nights. I do appreciate that it did the job of fending off the killer sinus headache (at least for a while) , so maybe its worth it. I have avoided the chemical help today, and amazingly the headache too, and I hope to sleep better tonight. Pleasant dreams.

Making Tea

I have been pondering whether it is the tea, or the ritual itself, which I am addicted to. I enjoy preheating the teapot, filling the kettle with fresh water, choosing a teabag, preheating the mug while the tea steeps for precisely 4 minutes. And the feeling of comfort, warmth, even relief , that comes with the first sip. I just don't get the same comfy feeling when I have a cup of tea somewhere else. I do enjoy the tea, and perhaps sometimes even need the caffeine. But its the ritual I crave.

Random musings

Don't have anything to post about, so I thought I'd just randomly say stuff and see if anyone comments. First of all I could talk about the nasty headache I had this morning, and how little work I got done. I never seem to be able to knuckle down and work when there are friendly people to chat with. I guess today I just was not motivated enough to fight the pain. I came home and listened to some of Thud!, the latest Terry Pratchett, on CD. Even though I already read the book its just a lot of fun to listen to. Briggs does a fabulous job with the voices. (At one point I felt like I was listening to a Monty Python dialog. It was great!) Then Matthew offered to make a stir fry for dinner. And I offered to make the rice. When I think of stir fry, I think of rice. And when I think of rice, I think of rice pudding. And when I think of rice pudding I just have to make some because I love it. (Okay admittedly I don't always make rice pudding when I think of it, because I would have to make it every few days or so. But I never think of rice pudding and don't think it sounds good.) And so we have rice pudding for dessert. And, last but not least, there's the excitement of having Olivia lend me her set of Buffy season 2 DVD's. Now I don't have to wait for holds to come in. Yea!

Sundays and Food

It must be the atmosphere surrounding the kitchen when we sit down to eat breakfast together, for somehow the talk naturally turns to food, as in "What's for dinner?", or "What's for dessert?", or even better, "Can I bake cookies?". This morning we discussed not only the dinner plan, but also the book of 1001 Cookie Recipes that I brought home from the library yesterday. Its fun to just speculate on how many different recipes we could try given the ingredients already in the house. Unfortunately I notice that the book is now just sitting here and I don't hear the mixer or smell any cookies baking. Perhaps later. But in the meantime Josh helped me (or rather I helped him) get a pot roast and vegetables in the crock pot. Lately he has been really interested in peeling vegetables and even fruit (like getting an apple peeled all in one long piece). He loves doing carrots, and today he even did the potatoes without complaint. But I figured out his secret. Its a competition within himself to get as fast at peeling as me. (I keep telling him about my many years of experience). He's doing really well at it. And I love having another kitchen helper. It makes me feel good when I know my kids can fend for themselves in the kitchen, and even get us all fed if they want to. (Matthew made a delicious spinach, broccoli, and feta quiche the other day. Yum!) I'm really lucky to have such a wonderful kitchen family. And baking together can be a great lot of fun too. I guess that's why I hardly ever do it on my own. It really is more fun to work together. If fact I hear the mixing bowls coming out now. I'm off to the kitchen...to watch at least.

Its a Parade!

Well the long awaited parade day was today. I was nervous enough without having the TAB members who were planning to dance with book trucks cancel out entirely at the last minute. So Xandi scrambled to call teen volunteers this afternoon and we culled together a (motley but lovable) group of kids to walk with. We had some great costumes...layered with jackets, hats and mittens in an attempt to keep warm. I think Adrienne and I were the only ones to figure out how to really dress warm (oh yeah, maybe that's cause we are sensible adults. But wait, if we were sensible what were we doing walking in a parade in December with a bunch of senseless kids? You decide.) In any case we learned a lot and I guess had a little bit of fun. The kids thought it was great to throw candy at people. I thought our newly painted, lighted, garlanded, and posterized book trucks looked great! And truly it could have been a lot worse. I guess what I really wonder is why no other adult staff member of the library thought this was worth doing? I mean there was the brass band ahead of us and firefighters wearing grass skirts behind us. Doesn't that sound like fun. If I (the old tired wretch that I am) can drum up the enthusiasm for this, anyone else should be able to!

Hibernation

I woke up this morning to the sound of my stomach growling and wondered how bears do it...hibernate I mean. I think I have the sleepy part down, and the slow metabolism, and the part where I don't really care about what else is happening, just getting some rest. But then there's my stomach saying don't try to ignore me for more than 8 hours. Maybe I could try an IV? But then there's the fact that after too many hours in bed my body starts to ache, at least in the stressful hip joints. I bet bears don't have to cope with that either.
Why is it that whenever I blog in the morning, (okay, maybe anytime I blog), it ends up being about sleep or the lack thereof. So instead I shall finish this blog talking about shoes. Despite the wonderful shoe shopping trip of last weekend I still have not found a new pair of good shoes. I realize that it takes time and energy, both of which I seem to have a short supply of, so I guess I should be patient. But I found these cute and comfortable Hush Puppies that were unfortunately 1/2 size too small. I have since searched to no avail online. Apparently they are a discontinued style and there must be a lot of people who wear 8 1/2 wide and have bought them all esp. in the color I liked. I found only one pair in a yucky brown that cost almost $80. So no luck with that. But at least it gives me hope that someday I may find the shoes for me. (Until then I may have to at least get some new inserts for my old shoes and keep on wearing them.)

Mountains?

I spent yesterday making mountains out of molehills. Every task seemed insurmountable, but wasn't. I was peeved after the 4 phone calls it took to borrow the projector from the town, but actually someone tracked it down for me and had it ready when I got there. (Then I felt sorry I had trash-talked about it. I should learn to keep my mouth shut.) Then there was the daunting full parking lot at Chase Pitkin; but yet, I walked in, got the poinsettias I wanted and walked right up to the cashier, no waiting. The pouring rain was still there, but somehow that didn't bother me as much. (At least not until I left my purse in the car and had to walk out to get it again to pay the cashier. That really got me soaked.) And then there was the Christmas Tree at the Webster Museum. I was all "woe is me" about decorating it alone. I actually laughed when I realized the thing was on a tabletop, maybe 2 feet tall. Definitely a molehill. Maybe today I should just look for molehills, and save the mountains for another day. (Vacation in the Alps?)

Body talk

I don't know if its like this for everyone, but anything my emotions feel, my body does too. Sometimes even when I am not consciously aware of something I feel it quite viscerally. So when I wake up with a fluttering stomach I have to figure out why. I get a case of nerves from weird things sometimes. Today I'm excited about Elizabeth coming home, so despite the fact that I'm not even traveling, my stomach thinks I am. Or maybe its just all the other stuff happening today combining with that bit of excitement. I have to be at St. Rita's at 1 pm (and apparently there are some high expectations about that) so perhaps I'm feeling some pressure there. And I need to get enough Tantalizing Titles together by noon today, so that has my mind racing. Or maybe I'm just hungry. :)

Deadline looms

What is this procrastination thing? I know the right thing to do. I know when to do it. But I don't. It's like some subliminal part of me wants to feel the stress of a deadline rushing past. You would think it would be better to get something out of the way and feel relieved. But noooo. I putter around and think about doing it. I do little parts of it. I write things in my head while I'm someplace where paper is inaccessible (always the shower, or even the pool, or the waterbed). Hmm maybe its a water thing. Maybe I need to work in a wet place (instead of a cold place). Or maybe I just need to get off my butt and get things done.
(You may have noticed that I even put off blogging. Its just til I have something coherent and relevant to say. And as you can see I still don't, but I'm saying it anyway.)

Grrrrr

I hate posting when I am angry and depressed because I think of my blog as entertainment. And it is not very entertaining to hear my ranting and raving. In fact I don't completely understand why I am so totally upset about this entire incident. But I've come up with some ideas as I've been obsessing about it for the whole morning (and last night...). I don't like the feeling that I'm in the dark as far as major things happening at work. I like open communication. I like for my ideas to be heard, and my knowledge to be used. I like feeling that someone is actually listening to what I need for my job to get done, as well as what I need to feel like a necessary part of the team. I like feeling respected and having my talents used. Is that too much to ask? Okay, so maybe it is. But I do know that I did not feel this discontent one year ago. So am I the only thing that's changed?

The Basic Eight

I read an "adult book" by Daniel Handler this weekend called The Basic Eight. I have been struggling with what to say about this book. It has the same wonderful use of words as Mr. Handler's books written as Lemony Snicket: A penchant for telling us what the character really means by what they are saying, foreshadowing, talking to the reader, and defining things in an interesting way. He uses a diary format, but also includes vocabulary and discussion questions which are very funny. I have to say I was surprised by the ending, which rarely happens to me anymore, so that's a good thing. But I was also somewhat grimmed out by the whole thing, so maybe I should warn you, dear reader, to run in the other direction, or to go read something safe. But I won't.

Maybe I should get a paper route

Well, the evil thing happened again and I woke up at 5 am (for no reason except my body is stupid) and could not go back to sleep. Instead I did the dumb stuff where you toss and turn and go to the bathroom and toss some more and then try to think of something productive, but it doesn't work because my praying always turns into worrying at 5 am. So I worried about dumb things, and fretted over stupid things at work, picked all the little nits in my brain, and it still was not 6 am yet. I tried getting out of bed, but I was just too damn cold. I think Satan really does use those worrisome hours for evil, because I don't feel good this morning, I still feel worried and cranky about work things. I wish I could get the praying part of me to work better. Maybe then I could have overcome this and fallen asleep sooner than the alarm going off. Instead I fell asleep (for a few minutes) to the noise of Steve in the shower and got up very much groggier. At the very least it would be nice to find a peaceful part of waking up too early. I guess I can't because the devil makes me love sleep too much. (At least in the morning, its reading that keeps me up at night, but I don't think of that as devil's work. Maybe I should?)

Buffy

Okay, what kind of a name is Buffy anyway? Despite being prepared to dislike Buffy the Vampire Slayer purely on that account, I found that I actually enjoyed the first few episodes. It was humorous and very tongue-in-cheek. Admittedly a little too smarmy sometimes, but not offensively so. I guess you need to be open minded. I don't care for the spooky, dark, undead things, so I was glad for the spunky Buffy and friends who were very much alive and (mostly) having fun. The only thing I don't think I can do is make a short-term commitment to watching all 6 seasons of episodes on DVD. I might try a few more to have fun with, but it will be a while before I catch up. But, Joss Whedon non-withstanding, I pledge to avoid Angel. That looks to be a little too dark for my taste. And besides he gives me the heebie jeebies.

The Tortoise or the Hare

I was pondering the fact that I have only two speeds in my life: Overdrive and Off. I don't appear to be able to follow along at a moderate speed. I guess that means I'm more like the hare who speeds along, then takes a nap and loses the race anyway. And very unlike our reliable tortoise friend who believes in slow but steady. Clearly a winner.

Ouch

I'm very touchy this week. Its driving me crazy (and probably everyone else as well). So if I crawl into a hole and don't come out for a week, don't say I didn't warn you.

Happy Birthday Mom!

I grew up celebrating All Saint's Day as my mother's birthday. As a family we would go to Mass and then perhaps out to eat. I love to go to Mass on Holy Days because usually you get a group of people who want to be there instead of those who just think they have to. For me the whole experience of Church is one of community. So even on those days when I am distracted, or somehow unable to pray, I still come away with a feeling of being cared for and part of my community. So what happened today? I went to Mass at Siena with 400 middle schoolers who are as unsure of themselves as they are of their community (or so I thought). Bishop Clark gave the homily and shared a story about a girl at World Youth Day who had some trouble with a song she was leading, and about the support she was given not only by her fellow choir members, but by the entire group of 20,000 attendees. And you know what? I think the kids got it. They do realize that they are a community, a communion of saints, for each other. I got it, even though I didn't feel the same community I would have in my home church, I got it. I guess that's what Christian community is supposed to be about. Amen.

My Favorite Halloween Tradition

First you go to the farm market or pumpkin patch to pick out the proper size and shape of pumpkin. Then you bring it in the house to warm up to room temperature (this is important). You decide what design to carve. Cut off the top of the pumpkin (or bottom, or even side). Then the best part, reaching inside to scoop out the gooey, slimy guts of the pumpkin. (A pause to wash one's arms). Then the scraping, and more scraping if need be. (Another pause...). Draw or poke the design on the pumpkin, then carve. Put a candle inside and turn out the lights. Oooh and aaah, cause it looks so cool. Just before the trick or treaters come out put the jack-o-lanterns outside and take their picture. Enjoy a job well done.

I Will Be There

I WILL BE THERE ~ PHIL KEAGGY

I will be there when you cry,
I will be there when you need me,
I will be there when you fall,
I will be there all the time.

There's a road stretching out
And it leads to your desired haven.
Don't look back and don't you fear
Cause I'll be there.

I will be there when you cry,
I will be there when you need me,
I will be there when you fall,
I will be there all the time.

When you feel like giving up
And you fall on your knees in desperation
There's a strength beyond compare
Cause I'll be there.

You can believe it's true, cause I'll be there
I'll never leave or desert you
Through trials and temptations, oh I will be there,
I'll be there through the darkness, just call me.

Your every heartbeat, well I give to you
And every breath you breath I give to you
And when you're weary and you can't go on
Just look up anywhere
Cause I'll be there. I'll be there.

I will be there, I will be there
Every time you need me.
When you fall, when you fall, and I'll pick you up.

On that road stretching out
And it leads to your desired haven
Don't look back and don't you fear
Cause I'll be there.

I've been on this road a long long time ago,
And I lead you now to your desired haven.
Don't look back, but do draw near
Cause I'll be here, yes I'll be here,
You know I'll be here.

Saw Phil Keaggy in concert again last night. I forgot (I guess you do when you don't listen for a while) how comforting it can be to hear important words sung to you. Words that you want to believe, but don't always feel. This is a very peaceful song with reminders of the loving presence of God, especially through the people who love me. Maybe that's what I needed most to hear, and to keep hearing in the worrying times of my life.
And its what I want to promise those around me...just as a reminder that we all need each other.

What is this thing with refrigerators?

I was trying to tighten the lightbulb in the fridge the other day and it popped in my hand and blew out. So now the refrigerator is dark. (Which in itself is quite scary actually, I mean it was hard to find stuff in there before). But anyway, when I got home from work my husband said we needed a new refrigerator and I wondered what was going on. I thought perhaps that blowing the lightbulb shorted the thing out or something. But then I realized he was just finding an excuse to go fridge shopping. Its something I've noticed in the past 10 years or so, anytime we are in a store that sells appliances, Steve and Elizabeth are there checking out the fridges. "Ooh look, water and ice in the door." " Wow, freezer on the bottom." Cool! Split door opening." I don't know where this obsession comes from, but it is relatively harmless. I will know when he's really serious by the website comparison shopping he'll do. I will be shown all the features on the favorites list. But I did make him promise to wait until Elizabeth's home, because this is an opportunity she's waited for all her life. (Oh, man, we did buy this one before she was born...its old and I think we need a new one. Besides its almond and all the other appliances are black. I feel myself being converted.) Personally I am going to hold out for the self-cleaning model. :)

Rain, Rain go away

but now it is the rain
Possesses us entirely, the twilight and the rain.
~Alun Lewis

The rain is making people crazy. Everyone is gloomy and out of sorts. I think if the sun ever comes out again we should have to just take time off and bask in it. (But I'm sure if it does come out it will be when I am scheduled to work reference). Maybe we should just have a new attitude, like:

Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet. ~Roger Miller

But then we need it to be a warm rain don't we? ;)

I'm home alone

Ever notice how spooky it can be when its raining and dark and rather chilly and no one else is home to blame all the creaking noises on?
The bad thing is that I love being home alone to have some quiet time, and yet I'm not really enjoying it to the fullest. Maybe because I don't know when the boys will be home and I don't want them to catch me wasting time on the internet, as usual. *Guilty*

A Really Cool Internet site

I got an email yesterday with some very funny photographs, which I shared with my family. My son Matthew (if he were a book, he would be titled "The Internet Companion") immediately recognized them as from a website called Worth 1000. I would recommend that you do not visit until you have time to waste ...er... spend looking at the marvelous and funny things folks have done with photo editing. There are many topics to choose from including some of our favorites like penguins & pirates. The way it works is that they have contests, so all the crazy (I mean creative) photo people can submit fun images to be voted on. And you get to view the results. So thanks to Matthew for this knowledge (and all other things computer and internet), and to Terri for sending me the pictures that started it all.

Medical Aesthetics

I got a postcard today inviting me to schedule an "eyebrow lift" from a Medical Aesthetics office (?). I didn't even know there was such a thing. But it gave me a chance to have a liberating thought: I'm not vain enough about my appearance that I would pay for cosmetic procedures. I'm just comfortable with who I am.

Tendonitis

Well the report is official...the Doc says Josh has tendonitis in the right ankle. And rest is the only way for it to get better. That means, of course, no more soccer this season. There are 4 games left that he will miss. Its hard because he does enjoy playing, although the last few weeks were frustrating because of the pain. He also got a note from the doctor authorizing no gym class for 2 weeks; he was not as sad about that.
For my part I am mostly happy. Happy we have a simple, definite diagnosis. And happy that the chaos of soccer season is over sooner rather than later. I am feeling guilty for feeling happy. But nevertheless, that is where I am at. I do feel sad for my son though. Its hard to watch the frustration he is going through. And I admit to a little frustration myself knowing that this ankle issue will probably return to haunt him in the next soccer season as well. I guess I can only hope and pray for the best.

Fog & mist & moon

The fog comes on little cat feet. - Carl Sandburg

It was quite foggy over the bay today; with the fog creeping over the trees. It was settled on the water and oozing over the bridge. I think it looked inviting to disappear into, although I did not. Later the nearly full moon came peeking out of the clouds. Magical.

Wednesday morning in the Gazebo

I enjoyed the sights and sounds of the Children's Room from the Gazebo Reference Desk on my Wednesday morning shift:

• Little ones using the rocking chairs
• A toddler or 2 running to hug Curious George
• Babies sleeping peacefully amidst the chaos
• Jason playing guitar and singing in the story room
• Incredible block towers, and the stories that go with them
• Cries of "pencil" as they run for the desk (I gave out lots of scrap paper)
• Puppet shows to appreciative Moms
• Kids shimmying up the light post and climbing on the bridge railings
• Moms and tots dressed alike
• Generally happy hubbub
• Even an occasional reference question

Through some quirky twist of fortune I was away from the desk when some child threw up, and Marcia was there to clean it up. I did try out the "upchuck gel" though, to get rid of the smell.
And I still thought that the reference shift went well. So there.

Vacations should last longer...

...or at least the calming effects of getting away. I guess that coming home Monday night and then having a full work day Tuesday is less than ideal. I was calm and well rested from my time away. But somehow the moment I stepped foot in the door at home reality came rushing back. I'm sure its just attitude. Maybe I should work on having a West Virginia state of mind. I know that Anne always says the most sensible things so I guess I will have to make her my conscience instead of me. And then there's the knowledge that Adrienne and I shared so much while we were traveling that I know I have a kindred spirit I can turn to when I need a West Virginia moment.

Having a wonderful time...

I had a great trip. Who knew we could talk for 5 days straight and not run out of stuff to talk about? My husband said, "Poor Mike", but I think Mike only paid attention for the first 24 hours or so. :)
My traveling companion wrote postcards and letters and journal entries every night; proving she can write as well as talk (sometimes at the same time). Me, well, I'm not so good at the writing thing (although I got the pumpkin cookie recipe down). It was just great to be with people who really cared what I was saying, and truly responded with words of wit and wisdom. I am so glad I went with Adrienne to visit those "Mountain Mummas". I realize again how much I really have missed them this last 2 years. Maybe I will be a little better at keeping in touch now (at least for a little while).
Meanwhile back at the ranch, the boys ate lots of beef, went to a movie w/o me :( , and bought a new microwave which even now is being installed. I can't tell if they missed me very much, but there were no tears, so maybe I can think about doing this again some day.

West Virginia

Well, here I am in West Virginia. Its raining for the first time in months. (Not my fault...I don't think). Its great to be visiting with folks who I've known for years. Anne and Mike are just fun to be with. And its nice to get a new perspective on where I have "been" lately by telling it to someone else. Mostly we've talked about library stuff. But today I guess we'll talk more about what's happening here in WVa. Okay, we're off to adventures...albeit wet ones.

Road Trip

I am doing the forbidden thing and blogging from work, but I must admit its just because I'm too excited to focus on anything else right now. I am sitting at the gazebo desk smiling invitingly but there are no questions right now. (Actually a little boy came and told me that the faucet was broken in our bathroom. So I went to see and he was trying to turn it. I showed him the water comes on, and stays on for a few seconds, when you press the faucet handle down. That was my "Aha" reaction of the day.) Anyway, the minute I can leave this place I am running away with Adrienne and leaving it all behind for 5 whole days. Doesn't seem possible. It will be great fun though; I will make it so. We are stopping first in Reading to see Elizabeth, and stay overnight. It will be fun to be a college kid again, or at least to pretend. Then its on to West Virginia to visit Anne & Mike. I love to visit friends where you can just pick up where you left off last time you saw them. And it will be my first visit to their new home which is exciting as well. There is a nagging worry about leaving the boys alone, even though I know they are capable of taking care of themselves. Maybe that "letting go" will be the best part of the trip.

My daughter and I have the same friends

This is a weird thought I had, and I'm not sure what it means, but my daughter and I share the same friends. My coworkers whose company I enjoy enough to accompany them to ball games and lunches and dinners and even an occasional movie also invite my daughter along. Now this may be a case of the chicken and the egg (they invite me because of her, or her because of me...), but I think they genuinely like us both. And that's cool. I mean, I never shared my Mom's friends. Sure I'd talk to them and such...but they were not my friends. But I guess the bigger wonder is that my daughter likes hanging out with me. :) And I with her.

Looking forward to seeing you soon, E!

Serenity

You know I don't see a lot of movies. Usually figure it as a waste of money. But last night we went to see Serenity. It was violent, somewhat predictable, goofy jokes, sappy ending. In short, just the Firefly we've come to know and love. I enjoyed it. I liked that it wrapped things up (sorta) neatly, so if there are no miracles that bring the show back I can be somewhat satisfied that I wasn't left hanging. But it also left me wanting more. Obviously I'm not too intellectual in my tastes...But I did grow to love these characters, this version of "space opera". From what Matthew says it had a following at his engineering school. He says its a geek thing. But then he also followed Enterprise and Arrested Development, so I'm a little concerned. And then there's the fact that I followed DS-9 and watched everything I could find on DVD. But when you think about it, it was kind of a space western too; The small town, the constable, the saloon, the natives vs. the cowboys. Maybe I'm just a Bonanza kind of girl.

Road Atlas

While thinking about the trip I will take next week, I found myself needing a road atlas. Mapquest is okay when you just need directions, or recommendations, or whatever. But nothing beats the real paper map. I love to look at the roads, the options, the places and possibilities along the way... When I was a kid (and even older) I used to love to figure out where we were on the map, and then how long it would take for us to get to our destination. Looking back I realize that I was very destination oriented. Always wanting to be there. But that could also be the result of traveling with a family of 9. Now I try to enjoy the getting there too. I am in fact greatly looking forward to going to West Virginia next week. I have never done more than drive through a small portion of the state, so it will be a milestone trip in that regard. But getting there should be wonderful too. The trees will be turning towards their autumn glory, the rolling landscape is beautiful, I get to stop and visit my wonderful daughter (and spend a night in her dorm!), and I have a very interesting and fun traveling companion. And then to stay with dear old friends for a few relaxing days. All in all it should be a terrific trip! I'm getting out the atlas now...

100 Posts

According to my Blogger Dashboard I have 100 posts, (this being 101). Wow! That's quite a milestone, and it means I've stuck with something for more than a few days. What it really means is that I have found another addiction, although I do let life get in the way, sometimes even for days or weeks at a time. But all in all I guess I like this feeling. One hundred posts. I think I'll drink a toast, or at least eat some toast, and have a cup of tea...Blogger's breakfast.

Blogging has changed the way I think. Sometimes when I'm ranting in my head, I'll pause with the conscious thought that "this would make a good blog". And sometimes it even happens. Of course, a rant several hours, or even minutes, later is not usually the same (although with a real obsession it can get better). You know, I still even have blog ideas in mind, so maybe I'll continue. Here's to the next 100!

The Last Continent by Terry Pratchett

"Rincewind had never studied meteorology, although he had been an end-user all his life."

How can you not like a book with insight like that?

And then there's my favorite town on the last continent, Didjabringabeeralong.

No worries.

Sunday Travelogues

Maybe its another sign of burnout, but after yesterday I wonder if the world needs Sunday Travelogues. The presenter forgot, until I called him, that he was scheduled to present. So I "entertained" the crowd with a few "commercials" while we waited for him to arrive 15 minutes late. The presentation was entertaining, but the photos (I have high standards) were not all the greatest. There were a few with time & date stamps ( a pet peeve of mine) and at least one with a finger in the frame. They do say you get what you pay for, but I've had better presenters for free before. Anyway the whole experience left me a little disgruntled. Maybe its just that I also set up 50 chairs by myself, moved tables around, cleaned up after the previous group who used the room, and I was overtired from a similar (but longer) experience the day before with a church group I volunteer with. Not to mention the patron (not even attending the travelogue) who accosted me in the hallway with an evil tirade about the government(?) because the downtown library was closed on Sunday. Where am I going with this? Not sure...But I normally have a sense of satisfaction after a welcomed program, and the patrons were satisfied and thanked me, but I still didn't get that peaceful feeling yesterday. I have been of the mind for the last few years that this is what I am supposed to be doing. But lately I am not so sure. And yet I have nowhere else in sight to go. Maybe next week's vacation will give me some perspective. At the very least a much needed break.

Why?

Why is it that the male component of the population has NO COMMON SENSE? Only reason I can think of is that God wanted us women to feel good about ourselves. (And aim the frustration somewhere else).

Dragons

I decided when Eldest, by Christopher Paolini, came out that it was time to read Eragon, the first book of the trilogy. So I finished it one weekend and am now trying to finish Eldest before it is due back at the library. Its interesting that the previous week I finished listening to Sea of Trolls by Nancy Farmer, another book which included dragons. It struck me that although I know little about Norse mythology these writers are obviously steeped in it. Although these are works of fantasy they use a consistent knowledge base. I'm finding that true of Tolkien's Hobbit books, Harry Potter, and even Terry Pratchett. So along with great fantasy fiction I'm learning my mythology. I guess I'm also just getting into dragon lore these days as I enjoyed Cornelia Funke's Dragon Rider, and have now put a hold on Dragonology to find out more about dragons. Maybe I just like escape fiction. Its why I read cozy style mysteries too. They are their own brand of "escape fiction", since there is no way that stuff happens to real people. (Although if you read enough of the stuff you start to see bodies in the most unlikely places.) I guess the premier dragon writer is Anne McCaffrey. In my spare time I may have to go back to the Dragonriders of Pern series. As ever, so many books, so little time.

Weekend update: Move over, Martha

I looked in Josh's room on Saturday morning and realized it was not quite done. He still needed a lamp for one thing, and curtains, and maybe even a rug. So off we went in search of decorating stuff. I found that its quite difficult to get cheap curtains in a plain white, esp. without feminine frills like lace or flowers. So I bought a flat white sheet with a very nice diamond weave and sewed them myself. I think it was a pretty good job considering I didn't give it more than an hour or 2. I even ironed with spray starch, and washed the window before I hung them. Now for under $20, he's got new curtains, valance & rods!! We found a nice 5 head lamp so even in winter it will be bright, and a cute little shag rug in bright blue so his feet won't have to hit cold wood floor on winter mornings. I think its really done now, except for the little "piles" of stuff I have to get rid of. I need one of those people with the "clean & dispose" gene. I have trouble purging. But it will happen one of these days. I hope he likes it enough to keep it cleaned up. And maybe I will just have to keep nagging. (I'm a mother, its what we do.)

Worried about the Fashion Police

Okay, maybe not worried exactly...But on Tuesday I went to school to volunteer and it was quite a dilemma deciding what to wear. I wanted to be casual, but businesslike, so I had an excuse not to be sexy (which I can't pull off). Maybe its my imagination, but these younger Moms dress so much more on the edge than I ever did. I opted for the black jeans with the aqua striped tee and the black blazer. And I suspect that really no one cared or even noticed. But as usual I felt sort of frumpy (Isn't that a dwarf?) anyway. But then...Wait. At work Adrienne told me I looked professional. And even though I was wearing jeans. So the look does work. Or she was just intimidated by all the black I was wearing. Or just wanted to boost my ego. Either way it was nice to know that someone realized the look I was trying to project. Now if I could do something about the extra wide thighs...

Hot and Muggy again

I'm trying so hard to be efficient today and get stuff done, but its gotten quite warm and is dragging me down. I guess I really just loved those days in the 70's. I finally went and got my allergy shots today, so maybe that will help the allergy headache I've had for the last week. And at least it should be cool at work this evening (which hopefully will keep me awake).

I know, I know, another boring blog about the weather...but I just can't bring myself to face any other issues. I mean, tired is one thing, and hot is another, But hot AND tired is just too much.

Oh, yeah, but I did read a book this weekend that I would recommend to folks who like to read about psychological studies and stuff: Blink. I know its non-fiction, and on the Best Seller list, but I read it anyway. And I liked it.

"Everything you wanted to know about sleep but were too tired to ask"

Since sleep (or lack thereof) often seems to be an obsession in our household, I went looking for some information about it and found this great website: http://www.sleepnet.com/. It has lots of links to interesting information about stuff like dreams (so maybe Elizabeth can find out why she keeps dreaming about packing. There is a link for lucid dreaming, which everyone should learn to do if they want to take control of their dreams (and stop that packing)!
I just finished a book called "The House of Sleep" which I was attracted to because of the title of course. It was an interesting book that took place in the past and present in alternating chapters, and included such things as characters who were narcoleptic, insomniac and gender confused. There was also the sleep researcher who thought of sleep as a disease, and thought if we could all stop sleeping we would have 1/3 of our lives back and get so much more accomplished. (He was crazy in other ways too, BTW). Not sure it passes muster as a Tantalizing Title though.
Now if I could only follow some of the advice for getting a good night's rest...

Back to school, again

Just put Josh on the bus for his first day of Junior High school. No tears, no fuss. Just a few reminders about the transfer bus numbers, a photo or too and he's off. I do admit to some earlier nagging and exasperation at the things that should have been done last night (but weren't). And the feeling that this is too early in the morning for me to feel this cranky (not that that has ever stopped me before). I hope things go as well every morning. I suspect he was too hyped to sleep and therefore was up before his alarm at 6. (Ok I was up a little early myself). But hopefully we can keep this up even on the cold(er) dark(er) mornings to come.

Random Labor Day thoughts

It was wonderful to sleep in for one last time (okay, also for the first time in a long time) before the school schedule starts. After the 7 am bathroom trip, I went back to sleep!

The automation of the St. Rita school library is almost done. I still have not touched a barcode label, but have made several cataloging decisions, looked up lots of computer records, done problem solving (including several hours this morning with audio books), and learned what resourceful, creative, intelligent children I have.

In the name of Geocaching we discovered another cool place to walk, practically in our own backyard. We went to the Irondequoit Bay Park East this afternoon and walked along the shore of Irondequoit Bay. I discovered a fun spot that looked like someone was playing Gilligan's Island. And got up close to some geese, ducks and herons that were playing just off shore. But due to Lars' inability to correctly give us GPS info we found no cache. I suspect we were close, but 40 yards in thick woodland is just not close enough.

And now I get to have baked beans for dinner that have been in the crock pot all day. I'm even willing to put up with the inevitable after-effects (in me and the rest of the family) because they taste so yummy! Maybe I'll serve Beano first.

While I'm adjusting to the testosterone overload around here, the carnivore dinners are getting overwhelming. Maybe I'll have to sneak in some more cheese based meals.

And final thought of the day...My new chauffeur actually shows some promise of getting his license sometime this year. Thank heavens.

Backyard Bird Sanctuary

It started when I noticed a large proliferation of sparrows on the side of the driveway when we pulled in this morning. I can't figure out what might be drawing them here except perhaps that the pine trees are dropping seeds right now? Anyway I can still hear them out there twittering. But that's not all. In the last hour there have also been a foursome of bluejays, a pair of cardinals, a flicker, the usual crows, and perhaps a goldfinch (not seen clearly) frolicking and chasing each other around the yard. I thought the jays were the nasty ones, but apparently our resident cardinals chased them away. (Or perhaps they saw the camera come out and became shy.) Its been quite a show. So maybe we don't have to leave home to enjoy nature. Sure saves on gas.

Back to school, continued...

We took the long route, finishing up some summer fun things, but the deed is done and Elizabeth is back at school.

We went to the NY State Fair on Thursday. Its been a long time since we all went together. We did all the usual, traditional for us, stuff; pints of ice cream for lunch, oohing and aahing over the crafts and art work (including the inevitable talk of what we should have entered), seeing the food demo, the sand sculpture (we went the first day, so not much was done yet), and looking at the animals (cute baby llamas too). We ended by going to the concert in the Grandstand. It was fun taking the kids to the first major outdoor concert they've ever attended. We saw Joy Williams, Jars of Clay, and Steven Curtis Chapman. It was pretty awesome (and loud too), especially sitting just a few rows back.

On Friday we went to Dorney Park in Allentown. A sister park of Cedar Point, but not quite as large. They do have an awesome hanging coaster called Talon, which is where we started and ended the day (well, except for the carousel). We managed not to get rained on, or sunburned, but enjoyed an afternoon and evening of rides. Maybe enough to last til next summer?

On Saturday we hung out in Reading, doing a little shopping at the Outlet stores and some geocaching. We found 4 out of 5 caches we looked for (again without getting rained on too much).

Sunday was move-in day at Albright. We spent 45 minutes arranging and rearranging to get the maximum space despite minimum room and lots of furniture. I thought we came up with a pretty good plan (and I think E was happy with it too; Sarah...who knows?). I wish I could say it did not rain, but it did. We just unpacked between the pouring sessions and the light mist wasn't too bad. At least it wasn't 100 degrees, and there was A/C on in the room to fight the humidity, so that was good. And then we said goodbye. No tears, just a big hug and we were on our way. I guess it helps a lot that I knew she wanted to be there, and that she would be in touch when she needs to be.

Back to school, Part 1

So we are leaving in the morning to take Elizabeth back to Albright for her sophomore year. Who knew I'd feel so maudlin about it? I mean she was gone all of the last school year and I lived. (Albeit rather preoccupied with blogging and IM with her). I guess I was just enjoying her company so much that when the thought of her leaving hit me this morning, tears came with it.
:,(

The nighttime hip pain miracle cure

One of the most annoying parts of my life in the last few years has been the problem of waking up with pain in my hips; the part of my body most in contact with the mattress, and therefore supporting all my weight. This is a pain that has at times driven me from bed, unable to lie down on either side any longer (I can always sleep longer). I discovered last year that if I put my small foam lumbar cushion under my supporting hip I could often head off the pain (but of course that only works while it stays in place...which is surprisingly long. I think that I don't move around much because I'm more comatose than sleeping...but that's another story.) So, anyway, the point of this is that on a whim, while walking through Target last week, I decided to buy a mattress sized "magic" foam pad. I bought a twin since Steve did not seem interested in sleeping on one (yet), and besides for $18 bucks you are not going to get California King size. And then I folded it in half and put it where my body lies on the mattress (I already had magic foam pillows for head and neck). The incredible thing is that it really works. I haven't been wakened by hip pain all week. Even my sciatica seems better (but that comes and goes on its own whims anyway). So now, the next step will be to start looking at the "real" mattress pads or even the beds "designed by NASA", and of course, "selling it" to my husband. I think despite my cheapskate ways I have convinced myself that it will help me feel better. All I ever want is some restful sleep, is that too much to ask?

A work of Art?

I spent most of the weekend doing a long overdue cleaning project in Joshua's room. I have Elizabeth to thank for being my support and inspiration...because I could never do it alone. And unfortunately Josh just gets too distracted by "stuff" to see the bigger picture. There is way too much stuff in there anyway, some of it being remnants of hand me downs like all the Matchbox cars, Legos, stuffed animals, and little kid books from the older sibs. Not to mention outgrown clothes and shoes. But it is, at least mostly, accomplished. The reward comes in doing a project I proposed to Josh several years (?) ago ...turning one wall of his room into a collage. One wall is leftover paneling from a previous owner. And quite frankly, I've been afraid to remove it. So instead, and I love this, I am covering it with magazine pictures Mod-Podged on the wall. It is a lot of fun cutting out the pictures (finally a use for all the old National Geographics), and even adhering them. (So much that I might have to find another project too). And Josh thinks it is art worthy of a museum. That in itself is also a reward.

Well, okay so I'm not keeping up

As usual I have been lost in time and space, doing my own thing, which apparently does not include blogging. Perhaps its because I am zombie-like tired, although I can't think of what has changed to make me even more tired than usual. In fact I have been too tired to even read. I brought home an Express Book last Friday...and am still reading it. Not that its boring, but I just keep falling asleep.

If I were going to find something to blog about I guess I would lament the passing of my PC's hard drive at work. For although I have no data on it (all that is safe--I hope--on the server), it had my "stuff" on it: desktop backgrounds, Netscape (and favorites), all my passwords, my Outlook calendar reminders all set up....etc. I'm trying to look at it as a fresh start, but I'm mentally anguished by starting over. I guess its the same nagging fear I have about all fresh starts. BTW, that reminds me, I wonder if Miss A. really would fire Jason so she could hire me? ;)

Since my last blog entry I have....

Been busy with:
Doing crafts with young children at VBS
Working VERY busy ref desk at work
Trying to clean house (trying is the operative word here)
Buying air conditioners--and trying to keep cool (here too)
Going to the airport
Reading Harry Potter
Going to Renaissance Faire
Grocery shopping (much needed)
Visiting Niagara Falls
Finally getting back to the pool and my Aqua Basics class (after 3 weeks without it)

Missed doing:
Getting enough sleep
Reading the newspaper--or listening to news
Computer games and email stuff
Blogging regularly

*Sigh* Where to begin?

Ten days on the road, and home again to a week of LONG days with VBS mornings, and work (lots of busy ref hours) afternoons or eves ( of course with more VBS prep squeezed in.) Every year we go on vacation the week before I need to do crafts with 150 or more kids. I know its crazy but I just can't quit (yet). I guess I'm not quite out of ideas.
Our trip started with a great day at Cedar Point. The weather had cooled enough to be tolerable, especially with the nice lake breeze, (and the breeze of riding a coaster at 70 miles an hour). And my horrible fear of crowds was unfounded. There was (by CP standards) no one there. We walked on to virtually every ride. And even the newest rides had merely a 20 minute wait (compared to 2 hours on a crowded day). Which meant we could easily ride Top Thrill Dragster more than once, ride every coaster in the park-- except the one they had closed :( -- and, best of all, we went back to the hotel for an afternoon nap and still got to do all this. So despite my original reluctance to go, this was definitely worth the effort!
Trip log to be continued...but the rest of today beckons...

Never enough time and yet here I am blogging

Why, oh why do I get myself all worked up over time issues? It'll get done, but I just need to get going...

Off to Cedar Point, Toledo, Ft. Wayne and wherever. See you back here in a week or so. Maybe.

Questions...We have questions

Did you ever get the feeling that your life was not real? That no one knows the real you? That if they did you would be friendless? Who is that person I see in the mirror (when I dare to look)? And do I really want to know?

Thoughts from going to the Drive-in movies last night

Well, I learned a few things yesterday by way of going to the movies. First, I should never say aloud anything I would like to do unless it is something I really am going to do, and I have talked to the hubby and secured clearance; otherwise it could be misconstrued as a promise. Second, I should never complain aloud about anything; also too easily misconstrued as criticism, or a statement of my own laziness. Third, 4 hours is a long time to sit in the car, especially without chocolate. (But the effects can be mitigated by other snacks...maybe). Pillows are good, but don't wear a big fat clip in the hair. And try not to park in back of a big monster SUV, even though they park the trucks and vans behind the cars...its not the same thing. (Luckily those people left after the first movie). A nap before leaving for the movies is a good idea. I thought about caffeine but didn't want to miss the movie while hiking over to the rest rooms. But the whole experience can be fun. And certainly it helps when the movies are good too. Really it was my best reason to go see "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" which blew in and out of the regular theaters too fast for me. I liked the movie, especially the very funny theme song "So long and thanks for all the fish". They also had a weapon I don't remember from the book, but which was fabulous; The point-of-view gun. Whoever you shot with it immediately could see your point of view on things. Couldn't we all use one of these sometimes? The opening movie was the improbable "Herbie Fully Loaded", which was not as bad as one could imagine. It was cute and you could hate the bad guys , and enjoy the great 80's music soundtrack. (Somebody obviously knew that you had to have something for parents to connect with so the film would be fun. Actually, now that I think about it a lot of today's parents probably grew up with Love Bug movies too. Okay I guess there is still an audience for it.)
Well, all in all it was fun. So maybe, possibly, if there are any more movies this summer that I sort of want to see, we might, perhaps, do it again. But no promises.

Deep thoughts from a real genius

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex... It takes a touch of genius --- and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is.

It is the supreme art of the teacher to awaken joy in creative expression and knowledge.

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.



A collection of quotes from --Albert Einstein

Into the fire?

I spent much of the weekend trying to figure what crafts I actually want to do with 170 little kids at VBS. I am still not 100% sure, but sure enough to place a $300 order from Oriental Trading. I love to look at all their stuff, and this is the only time of the year I usually justify doing it. (And I had to order now so I can get the stuff and sort it out before I leave on vacation). We are doing a safari theme, so I looked at all the animal stuff and its soooo cute. But I'm trying to be realistic about the skills and (limited time) of my victims...er students. I've asked members of my church to save toilet paper tubes for one goofy craft, and you can't get any lower than that, so its all uphill from here. (Is that what I really meant?) And then there are the thousands of beads...Oh shoot, I may just end up ordering again anyway. Just for fun.

Out of the frying pan...

Whew! The school year is over and I'm all done with volunteer stuff at school. Not. Actually I have agreed, with my kids, to help do the automation of St.Rita's school library. Its actually been kind of fun so far, and makes me feel great because I've invested a lot of time in the library over the years. Its good to see this finally come to pass. Its also an ego boost because I really know enough about cataloging, and how it has been done in this library, to be able to offer an expert opinion.

On top of that project, I also have agreed to do Vacation Bible School crafts once again. This year there are about 170 kids signed up. I am always excited at this point deciding what things we will make and doing the shopping for craft stuff. (Our favorite place is the Recycle Shop!) I am privileged this year to once again have my kids working with me, and offering their expert opinions. I think Matthew is an invaluable sidekick to have, because he never lets his emotions get in the way...the ideas are just very sensible, and he never has to stop and blab like I do, so he's quite efficient. Elizabeth actually teaches the little kids in her classroom during VBS and seems to know what they will really like. And she's invaluable as my "boring meter". I have high standards to meet. And for the second year I will have Josh to help too. He might not always be a great idea guy, but he'll help with the getting ready part (I can count on him to get his hands dirty). Hopefully I'll be all calm and ready two weeks from now so I can go on vacation and relax...but VBS is the week we get back, so we'll just wait and see.

Help! I'm suffering from introspection again

Things have conspired lately to make me look at my life and where I'm headed (or not): a friend's pregnancy, the Library Assistants conference, reading "The Mermaid Chair", the untimely death of a friend's brother, and even the "Little Burgundy Book" readings on Stewardship. Unfortunately, no matter how I look at things, I never quite measure up to anything. The fact that I feel like I'm drifting with no clear direction is one thing, but there's also the fact that I've no idea which direction I want to go. And is it this fact that depresses me? Or is it that I'm depressed that causes this lack of direction? And would I really be happier if I just stopped thinking about it? Or do I need to do something, take a step, in order to feel better? Or am I just afraid of the answers? Or maybe I should just quit thinking its all about me and just be there to support other people? Perhaps this is why I just keep playing Snood instead...

Dwarves Walt never knew

Flaky, Sloppy, Creepy, Sexy, Pensive, Loony, Saintly, Nerdboy, Sticky, Dancer, Vixen, Baby, Randy, Arty, Greedy, Leaky, Cheeky, Droopy, Froggy, Flipper, Seabiscuit, Nosy, Lazy, Stretch, Chilly (and his brothers Chili and Chile). I'm sure there were others as well!

Its too hot to blog

Okay, so I tried to figure out why I have not blogged in over a week, and all I can say is that its just too wickedly hot. I don't deal well with heat (or extreme cold either, but right now I'd even take that). I just feel totally wiped out, no brain function, no body function....I'm melting, melting.....The heat just makes me crabby and nauseous and very lethargic. So there.

Yahoo - my kids are baking!

There's a bake sale at the Fiesta this weekend. But now I don't have to bake because somebody else wants to! Hurray! (But I might help frost cookies...or even eat some.)

Approaching the "lasts"

Today marked the last school Mass any of my kids would have at St. Rita. And the "Moving Up" ceremony was touching. We were also invited to a brunch for parents whose youngest child was graduating from the school. When realizing that we have had a child at St. Rita for 17 years...It is another of those unreal moments. Where does the time go? Sister asked us if we would consider adopting a five-year old...But of course she knew better. (I can't imagine I would have the patience to do that again!) The next weekor so will bring more of the "last times" but no doubt we will move on to bigger and better things. No point in living in the past. After all, come September (and hopefully sooner for some other family members) we will have plenty more "firsts" to celebrate too.

Adventuring to Chili

After attending the Memorial Day Parade in Webster, honestly just because Josh was walking with the "make a difference" winners, we headed out to Chili for the day. We started at Black Creek Park looking for a cache. Unfortunately Matthew could not get a good GPS signal and we failed to find the cache after about an hour of walking/searching. We knew we were close, but with no more clues we failed to find it. :( There were in fact tons of good hiding places, dead trees and such, but also many obstacles to comfort...prickly bushes, mosquitoes, animal droppings...but we just didn't want to spend more time w/o knowing how close we were. And anyway we were headed to Adrienne's for a Memorial Day picnic. I admit I was a little apprehensive, unsure of how well we would fit in only knowing a few other guests. The discomfort was mostly for my husband, but he did just fine (just give him a frisbee and some kids to play it with). I guess I just need to get him out more. And then there's the polar opposite... Joshua, the party animal. He seems to be able to handle any social situation with aplomb. I think maybe the rest of us could take lessons from him. I just wonder sometimes where he came from...genetically speaking. But in fact we really all had a great time.

Family Time

The five of us went on a family outing this morning. We finally made it to Highland Park to see (and smell) the lilacs while they were still in bloom. Also the gorgeous azaleas and rhododendrons. I love spring at Highland Park! We also did some geocaching...the fun sport of finding hidden caches by using latitude and longitude coordinates and your GPS. Luckily Matthew acquired the GPS and had gotten coordinates of a few caches in Highland. It was kind of fun...and certainly could become addicting (or maybe that's just me...I get attracted to stuff too easily). It was nice to be together since we haven't had much time together in the last year, and just to be relaxed and having fun. We had 5 cameras with us, so I guess we took some pictures too. :)

Surfing webcams

Came across an old bookmark in my "Fun stuff" folder and thought I'd check it out. Here are a couple of cool pages I found...along with lots of dead links unfortunately.
First is Old Faithful, (I was there a long time ago). Another cool site is The Azorean Whale Watching Base . I even found Fenway Park. Which I assume my Red Sox fan friends have already seen. How about a pool in Holland? You might have to read Dutch to know what's happening...And to be fair I should put a link to my favorite site in the spring, Kodak's birdcam, where the baby falcons are growing before our very eyes. And my favorite summer site Cedar Point! Enough fun for now...

Graduation

I feel like I owe it to my few regular readers to say something about the past weekend's events, but it all still feels unreal. I am numb either from the unreality of it all or (more likely) sheer mental exhaustion.

Actually the graduation was great. It was a little too chilly (like, I should have packed my winter jacket, or at least worn corduroy), but the sun was shining enough to cause sunburn on Steve's forehead. And although there were vast hordes of people there, things were orderly and well organized. I watched my son walk across the stage and receive his college diploma with a real feeling of pride and love and a touch of disbelief (not that he did it, but that it happened so fast). Because I was focused on getting a photograph of this event, I did not have time to get all teary-eyed and such. (No, that happened the day before while I picked out a graduation card...and then while I wrote mushy Mom words inside it). There was a nice reception afterward where the food was terrific (I think WPI has the best college food service I've ever tasted), including the fabulous cookies...and bottled water and soda, no sissy punch. And the campus was pretty, so we dragged Matthew around in his cap and gown and took lots of pictures.

There are lots of other things I could tell about...sleeping in the dorm (which actually was very nice and inexpensive and convenient)...The Japanese restaurant where they put on a show while they cooked your food in front of you...Cell phone madness...Packing the car with Matthew's stuff, but leaving him behind to go geocaching with his housemates...Living with a houseful of guests Sunday night (how it is possible to feel claustrophobic in your own bedroom)...and having to jump back into life today. But you'll have to ask, or wait, for details...my brain is too tired to go on. Proud, and relieved, but tired.

Good things & Bad things

1. The piano recital went well
2. The country project is done
3. Directions are emailed to everyone for Worcester
4. Steve will go pick up Elizabeth Wednesday & she'll be home!
   
5. I got a little bit of cleaning accomplished today
   

1. Graduation is still days away and I'm already a zombie
2. I don't feel like working this week, but I won't call in sick
3. Early morning tomorrow because I have to take Josh to school with "project stuff" in tow
4. I don't know why I feel so nervous
5. I still have to clean the bathroom
   

The attack of Caribbean boy

Josh has this wonderful, fun, project for school in which he has to create his own country. It is called Lukandria and is an island in the Caribbean. Part of the project involves creating a native dish, so we have been eating plenty of Jamaican style food (that I did not have to cook), including some delicious banana fritters. Unfortunately there are also about a million other things he needs to do: maps, culture, artifacts, flag, a long report and class presentation. And for some reason I am totally stressed about this, while he seems oblivious. Okay, maybe not. He is showing many stress related symptoms, as am I, lack of sleep, or inappropriate sleep, overemotionalism (i.e. tears), body aches and headaches. Perhaps he is pulling all that from me. I am too stressed for words. Its not just this project, but a variety of stuff going on... I am also inexplicably depressed. And since there are too many things going on in my brain I have shut it down. But my body is still freaking out. Well, that's all mon.

My bathtub causes temporal distortion

Okay, so I'll be the first to admit I've been watching a lot of Star Trek lately. But why else is it that whenever I get in the shower or bath I lose time...sometimes lots of it? Could it be the warm soothing water, or the wonderful scented body wash (raspberry) and shampoo (strawberry)? Or could it be because it is so quiet and relaxing? Or is there really a temporal disturbance in my bathroom? Long range scanners....

Frustration

I don't know what I expected, but I left today's reference meeting feeling frustrated. I guess the whole issue of moving the printer without consulting anyone else on staff has me more bothered than I thought. Even if there were problems, why make such a rash decision? Think it through. Anyhow I don't feel any satisfaction from having 3/4 of the staff in agreement when it doesn't change anything. And no apology, or good explanation was given. It just hurts morale a little bit. Now we just "wait for the new software". Which, in my experience, is a 50/50 chance of being worse, and a 100% chance of being way later than I wanted it. And again the clerks get off easy because of the way the idiots designed the building without enough data ports. Duh. Would it have hurt to consult the people who are experienced in using a library? That's an old frustration to dig up, but I've got the shovel out ;) and that issue comes up so often its ridiculous. Anyway, I hope it doesn't take all the joy out of working at the library, cause there are too many good points to let the petty political stuff get in the way. At least I've got allies...And someone to rant to!

Happy Birthday Matthew!

Here I am celebrating another "child's" birthday without having him around to know it. Well, okay, its not like I'm having a party, but once again trying to figure how 22 years have gone by since I have became a mother. Seems like just yesterday that I spent my first Mother's Day in labor. Actually, it doesn't seem like yesterday, but, 22 years?! You know how they say you become your mother? Well, I'm not sure that's true, but I guess I find myself understanding (way after the fact) what my mother went through as one after another her kids became adults. (Well, most of us did anyway...I'm not sure some of my brothers are actually there yet, or ever will be.) And this year he is the same age I was when I gave birth to him. Did I realize then I was just a baby myself? I guess that puts into perspective the recurring feeling that I really have to let my kids be adults. (Or at least the adult I thought I was). And they are good ones...But, I'm babbling. In fact I now realize I have had this same rant several times in the last few weeks, and I suppose I'll keep obsessing as we approach graduation next week, and the job that will eventually move him away from home for good. Just slap me if I bother you, okay?

Too tired to say much

I have a large void where my thoughts should be, so I can't come up with anything to blog about...and yet I feel I must. I stayed up too late, after 2 a.m., finishing the latest Nevada Barr book Hard Truth. I knew I should go to sleep, my eyes were burning, I knew the protagonist would live (it is a series...) but she was in peril and I was compelled to keep turning pages. I was awakened shortly after 6 a.m. by my bird friend (see yesterday's post), and got out of bed at 6:30 to get ready for mass. So, yeah, despite the afternoon snooze while Josh and Steve prepared dinner, I'm still pretty tired. That and trying hard not to think about all the stuff I have to do, have promised others, am behind on, am worried about... takes a lot of energy. Guess I'll go read another book or watch Monk; no brain power needed.

Bird Brain

We awoke this morning to a tapping on the window. Now maybe this wouldn't be that unusual except that the bedroom is on the 2nd floor. Anyway, I first look at the clock to realize that it is only 6:25 and here it is Saturday, my only chance to sleep in. I'm still tired, there is no alarm...but there is a bird pecking at the bedroom window. I try to ignore it, but now I'm slightly awake and my bladder knows it, so I go to the bathroom. I come back to the bedroom, and there is that bird, again pecking at the window. So I put a magazine up there in hopes the will scare it away or something. Get back in bed with the crossword puzzle...since I'm awake and don't want to be, I figure I'll try what I usually do to go to sleep. So I doze off, and there is a small crash, followed by the pecking again, arghh, now at the other window. A bit later there is Steve, going to the bathroom, and then coming back to move the screens in the windows to the top, hoping to eliminate the perch the bird is using. But our intrepid bird-brained friend now is perched on the bottom of the sill, pecking merrily away. I cover my "good" ear and try to drift back to sleep for a little while...It is Saturday after all. I even briefly consider getting dressed to go sleep on the couch (which usually works well anyway.) But instead I do stay in bed lulled to sleep despite the tapping.
What does he see? Himself in the window? A door to the inside? Some attractive other bird (he thinks)? Next step, after breakfast etc. was to try Chase Pitkin for some kind of scary window decal to discourage our little chickadee. Maybe a falcon or something. But unfortunately they had nothing like that. We thought that we could just get him a calendar so at least on Saturdays he could leave us alone. We shall see what tomorrow morning brings.

Old friends

The thing about a good friend is that you can sit down with her after weeks, months, or even years, and pick up the conversation right where you left off. I'm so glad Anne and Mike came to visit us in Webster. It was wonderful to see them! And I really enjoyed having lunch with Anne and Adrienne, cause you know its important to keep those ties, across the miles as well as the years. Thanks for coming, Anne.

Encouragement

It happened again today. In conversation with folks after my adult programmers meeting I met several more people who went to library school "later in life" (meaning not fresh from college). Everyone recommends it as a great experience and a wonderful thing to do. (But of course no one ever comes into the library just to say "Library school sucked. Don't do it.") I have also had several conversations lately with Linda, who was just accepted into the MLS program at UB. I only wish I could quiet the fear inside me long enough to hear whether this is the Holy Spirit's way of encouraging me forward.

Ugh

Open one eye. Yup its light out. Twist around to see the clock. 5:25. Why am I awake? Ooh too hot. Hot flash? Husband heat? Must throw off blanket and poke out toes. Ah better. Hips ache. Head is stuffy and dizzy. Should I get up? No. Must go back to sleep. Uhoh now what? Look at clock. 6:45. Steve's dressing, I didn't hear the alarm, or him getting up. Comatose, that's why. Must get up. Oh no. I don't hear him anymore. There's the clink of breakfast bowls. I fell asleep again. Ack, its 7:01! Must get up and pack lunches. Slowly, let the dizzy pass. Make sure the legs are somewhat steady. Shake off the achiness. Stand up. Walk. Welcome(?) to morning.

My brother just called...

I will be the first to admit that I am terrible at keeping in touch with my far flung family and friends. I will also admit that I did not used to be bad at it...and while I hate to make excuses, the fibromyalgia syndrome sure doesn't help. I think that's when the decline began. Anyway, my brother called. My first thought was that something bad had happened to my parents, but luckily that was not the case. In fact it was just a touching base on everyone's "events". Four graduations, 2 high school, two college. And Jerry was just getting in touch to share dates and plans (as if we had any) so we knew what was going on. Its hard that New York keeps kids in school 2-3 weeks longer than Ohio, so we have to scramble to be there for a party in June. But perhaps we'll have to take a bye and have another party there whenever we do make it. Its too hard to coordinate all those logistics too.

Logistics Coordinator

I was thinking about all the stuff I have to do to coordinate getting the Webster part of the family, the Reading part of the family and the Toledo part of the family all to the Worcester graduation. I've booked accommodations, have tried to plan routes and logistics of getting people where they need to be and then home again. In juggling details I remembered that Steve's job title when he worked for the distribution department was "logistics coordinator". I love how that rolls off the tongue, don't you? And it is so descriptive of my life these days. So I've decided to take that as my new title. Logistics Coordinator. It sure beats "domestic engineer", although I guess I can be that too, if necessary. But I am a lot more involved in coordinating these days than being domestic.

I'm not ready yet

The thing is, I'm really too young to have a son graduating from college in 3 weeks. I mean I just finished myself didn't I? Class of '82. I don't know why it is that even though I feel it happening, I am aware of the passing days, in fact they sometimes seem interminably long, but yet the years I can't see. My mother must have been terrified when in one fell swoop I finished school and got married and moved hundreds of miles away from "home". I admit that at 21 I never gave a thought to her point of view. And in fact it is only in the last year that she admitted to me how traumatized she was by her only daughter leaving home. Yeah, of course she was happy to "gain a son", but what choice did she have? I guess I'm dealing with it the way I deal with everything else unpleasant. I pretend to ignore it, put on a good face, and inside I obsess over it. (No wonder my body is falling apart...implosion) I wish him all the best, but I realize his life is really his own. I can give advice (even very good advice), but I can't make him follow it. And I guess I have to be ready to just support him wherever he goes. But I never realized how hard it would be to let go. (Okay so I never thought about it too much before...implosion here I come)

Can't get it out of my head...

Don't you hate it when some song gets stuck in your head? Its not always even a dumb song, but after being obsessed with it for hours (or days) it gets pretty obnoxious no matter how much you liked it at the start. And some start out obnoxious like the llama song, but that's another story. Of course, it rarely is the entire song, but instead just one line over and over. I was going to suggest a few of the songs that I've been stuck with lately, but why get my gentle readers stuck with my obsessions? I will tell you that the only solution I've found for this problem is to sing something else. When my children tell me what song is stuck in their head I always seem to catch it, as I'm very susceptible. In fact if someone even just hums a few notes I usually catch it. Instead of assessing blame I usually just sing a verse of the Nothing Song...that'll teach them! I really only mention all this because someone, who shall remain nameless, came home singing today...

Wanted: Organization skills

I know in my head how its supposed to be. Neat and orderly and filed so that you can find things again. But for some reason I seem completely incapable of making it so. I went in to work this afternoon for the sole purpose of neatening my office. And I did put a dent in it. Got all the stuff under my desk sorted out and put, or thrown, away. And it looks better than it has since we moved in 3 years ago. The top of the desk still needs help. I know I have too much paper. I'm drowning in piles of it. But I must have some gene left over from the Great Depression or something because I just have a hard time throwing things away. And then there's the "little notes"- On my monitor, my overhead bin, the side of my computer, paperclipped to my calendar, in my mug, in my pockets...
Intellectually I know what I have to do. I'm just having a hard time getting there. But at least I've taken the first step today. If only I had some organization skills. I guess I should right now put a hold on "Organizing for Dummies". It can't hurt. And it just might help.

Birthday Eve

Its the little things that get you sometimes. I've missed Elizabeth while she's been at school this year, and tonight I'm feeling it. No crepe paper decorating. No signs to post. Not even any gifts to wrap, or cake to bake. I'm relying on some surrogates to do it for me. I know that our efforts of the past weekend are remembered, but its just not the same. Its the first year I'll be away from my daughter on her birthday. Sigh.
Have a great birthday tomorrow Elizabeth!
And watch out for the pond!

Carl.Solution Premiers

Well, here are the 2 miracles of today. 1. Carl.Solution actually was installed over the weekend and ready for action. 2. It appeared to work (mostly) just fine and at no time was I panic stricken because I forgot what to do.
I'm sure it will get easier and become more natural. And I kind of enjoy finding out that a piece of software actually can do more than I expect it to. There was a little incident where the computer (I swear) said some DVDs were checked out and yet the patron found them on the shelf....But I guess I'll claim human error until it happens again. And then I'll complain bloody murder.

Anyway, the change from Ovlite seemed altogether a non-happening, which is at it should be.

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

There were many good things about the weekend trip to Reading. We had lots of fun at a baseball game on Friday night. Minor league parks have the best gimmicks: racing vegetables, the hotdog seller riding an Ostrich, and the game wasn't over til the Viking lady sang. We appreciated the Phillies valiant effort (including a grand slam) to try and come back and win...although they did not; we enjoyed the game nonetheless. It also helped that we brought winter coats, gloves and raingear.
We also had a good time shopping at the Outlet Center. Hardly got to shop enough before we were starving and had to quit. (So we'll have to return at a later date for shoes and dresses.) Elizabeth got her birthday wish of new jeans (x3), as well as a few shirts and a messenger bag. We had a great time playing games on Saturday night; bowling, pool, air hockey and then Outburst. Lots of laughs.
Today we went and visited the Pagoda. Strange landmark for Pennsylvania, but it was interesting anyway. And an excuse to spend another hour together before we had to leave Elizabeth again.

The bad things were: that we stayed up too late on Saturday and therefore were grumpy on Sunday. (Well, not me...but my menfolk who are not used to getting by on little sleep); That there were not enough hours in the weekend (which ties into that part about not enough sleep). The hotel room was not my bedroom, so I had trouble sleeping anyway. And we had to say goodbye to Elizabeth for another month. (At least it was tear free-I think. M was smiling anyway.)

The Ugly: I'm afraid that was me this morning when I testily related how I don't get enough appreciation for the things I do for certain members of my family... I mean who appreciates being awakened, even when they have made it my job to wake them and get them somewhere on time? So damned if I do, damned if I don't, lack of sleep...made me ugly. But I got over it.

Ten good things about Reading, PA

1. Elizabeth lives here
2. Albright's campus is pretty in spring bloom.
3. Outlet mall shopping!
4. The downtown neighborhoods have beautiful old houses.
5. It didn't rain all the time.
6. Um...Elizabeth lives here.
7. Its hard to get (really) lost.
8. There's a pagoda on the hill.
9. Its only an hour away from Hershey.
10. And my daughter Elizabeth lives here!
    

Packing the car

Ever since I was a teenager I have taken a great deal of pride in being able to pack the trunk of the car in a most wonderful and efficient way. Of course since I came from a family of nine it was quite a challenge in those days. Its why I like the challenge of packing the kids stuff for college, or perhaps even coming home from college. So this evening offers no challenge, just a suitcase and "the black bag", our overnight size duffel. I guess the challenge for today was to decide what we need for just overnight, then we can get by on just one bag. Okay, so its no big deal, but I need to celebrate the little things I do well.

Having an ADHD day

Today I just couldn't focus on anything useful. I lost all track of time playing Snood this morning. Then I went in to work and drew a total blank on what I needed to do. I just could not focus. Here was what was in my head:

Gee, I wonder if Harry and Voldemort won't just kill each other in the final book. I know that guy, who's the head of the school, you know, he's so old, he's going to die. What's the postage rate to Canada? Oh I'll find it online. Of course the baby's name is Mary. Mary, Mary quite contrary. Do you ever ...?

Now none of that originated with me mind you, but today I was completely unable to block out extraneous conversation. It took me an hour to compose 2 emails and make a few phone calls. I answered a question for Terri (mostly by foisting it off on someone else...but that's my job right?). What am I to do? I guess I could have tried the headphones trick, although its a pain when I'm running to the printer and/or answering phone calls. But today was a day I could relate to my young friends with ADHD. (This website does a good job of convincing me I have it.) There was just too much sensory stimulation and I needed a quiet room. Perhaps that's why I spent the morning at home in the quiet while Josh was outside. This afternoon, after making dinner with his radio blaring I finally had to ask him if I could turn it off. I could not even convince myself to watch a DVD tonight. At least I got in some quiet reading this evening. But right now, even the buzz of the halogen light is bothering me. Must be bedtime.

Planning a Trip

I don't know why decision making is so hard. Maybe its because life gives too many choices, or because I'm imaginative enough to come up with lots more options than other people. Or maybe its just fear of making a wrong choice. But for a trip to PA this weekend there are many things to decide:
When to leave; Thursday eve or Friday morning?
Where to stay?
What day should we go to the ball game?
Should we got to the outlets in Reading, in Lancaster, or both?
Which car to take?
What book should we listen to in the car?
What clothes to pack (the weather is so changeable)?
And many smaller decisions along the way. Food and route and shoes.
Well, I'm sure we will survive and even have a great time, but I do wish it were easier for me to plan ahead.

Feeling sorry for the Atkins dieters

As I was enjoying a delicious Brugger's Bagel this morning I found myself thinking about those people who have chosen not to eat carbs. How do they do it? I know that some people are able to do anything in their quest to lose weight, but to give up carbs? Okay I could give up some. I really am not a total sugar addict for example. I do like chocolate, but even I eat that in moderation. Actually, I do believe that everything in moderation is a better diet anyway. But back to the main point: What I crave sometimes, and really NEED to eat is bagels. Sometimes whole grain bread will do, or wheat pitas (I craved those last week and finally bought some). But to me a bagel, a real fresh bagel, not the wimpy frozen kind, is the ultimate in comfort food. Given the choice I would choose bagels over donuts every time. And if I have to work a little harder on those crunches, well so be it. Just don't take away my bagels! (For the record, I probably only buy them once a month, but its as necessary to me as an occasional pizza...but that's another story.)

I smell something baking...It must be Sunday

I love my husband, but evidently I don't take to heart Mommom's advice that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. By this I mean that I don't make enough desserts (for his taste, anyway). So on Sunday is his day to pore over the cookbooks, take to the kitchen, and find something to bake. Several weeks ago we were going to a dinner/meeting with our Marriage Prep Team and offered to bring a dish to share. Well the plan was to bake a bundt cake. Which necessitated going shopping for a Bundt pan. Now I had my eye on one of those new silicone ones, so that's what we bought (and right at our neighborhood Wegmans too). As it turned out someone else had already offered to bring dessert and we brought a salad. But the pan was already bought! So today is the test. We have the "Tunnel of Fudge" recipe from the Cake Mix Doctor. And we even had all the ingredients. There is much to be said for a well-stocked pantry (stocked with cake mix, chocolate pudding, chocolate chips, even walnuts). I even get to lick the spoon! Maybe my reluctance to bake is an effort to save my waistline...if not his. But perhaps his Grandma turned that advice around and told him about the way to a woman's heart. Dessert. Well, at least on Sundays, it certainly works.

A Night Out

By now you know that I have no life, so going out to dinner with a group of "library people" is a big deal. There were, gasp, I just realized, 13 of us at dinner at a nice Italian restaurant. After agonizing over what to order, as I so often do, I ordered a thing called Chicken Terragino. (It was very tasty). As it came to the table I realized that Olivia had ordered the same thing, as well as the same salad and dressing. (I guess this was to make up for the fact that Steve was not there for me to order the same as...) So at dessert of course I also had to have the Chocolate Lover's cake. I would have ordered it regardless of what Olivia ordered. I mean, why miss a good thing just to be different? But it was interesting to discover someone with the same tastes at the same time. I, unfortunately, ate more though...and did not go home with a "doggie bag". It was also nice to be away from work and have stimulating conversation without having to stop and answer patrons' questions. There was fun and laughter too. I guess when and if we do it again I would try harder to sit my deaf side away from folks. At least RuthAnn, on my right, was understanding. And hopefully Lisa too, as I turned away from her to catch the conversation at the end of the table. Actually, I guess the middle is the best spot to be part of all the talk. It was fun! Thanks for inviting me Olivia!