Mountains?

I spent yesterday making mountains out of molehills. Every task seemed insurmountable, but wasn't. I was peeved after the 4 phone calls it took to borrow the projector from the town, but actually someone tracked it down for me and had it ready when I got there. (Then I felt sorry I had trash-talked about it. I should learn to keep my mouth shut.) Then there was the daunting full parking lot at Chase Pitkin; but yet, I walked in, got the poinsettias I wanted and walked right up to the cashier, no waiting. The pouring rain was still there, but somehow that didn't bother me as much. (At least not until I left my purse in the car and had to walk out to get it again to pay the cashier. That really got me soaked.) And then there was the Christmas Tree at the Webster Museum. I was all "woe is me" about decorating it alone. I actually laughed when I realized the thing was on a tabletop, maybe 2 feet tall. Definitely a molehill. Maybe today I should just look for molehills, and save the mountains for another day. (Vacation in the Alps?)

Body talk

I don't know if its like this for everyone, but anything my emotions feel, my body does too. Sometimes even when I am not consciously aware of something I feel it quite viscerally. So when I wake up with a fluttering stomach I have to figure out why. I get a case of nerves from weird things sometimes. Today I'm excited about Elizabeth coming home, so despite the fact that I'm not even traveling, my stomach thinks I am. Or maybe its just all the other stuff happening today combining with that bit of excitement. I have to be at St. Rita's at 1 pm (and apparently there are some high expectations about that) so perhaps I'm feeling some pressure there. And I need to get enough Tantalizing Titles together by noon today, so that has my mind racing. Or maybe I'm just hungry. :)

Deadline looms

What is this procrastination thing? I know the right thing to do. I know when to do it. But I don't. It's like some subliminal part of me wants to feel the stress of a deadline rushing past. You would think it would be better to get something out of the way and feel relieved. But noooo. I putter around and think about doing it. I do little parts of it. I write things in my head while I'm someplace where paper is inaccessible (always the shower, or even the pool, or the waterbed). Hmm maybe its a water thing. Maybe I need to work in a wet place (instead of a cold place). Or maybe I just need to get off my butt and get things done.
(You may have noticed that I even put off blogging. Its just til I have something coherent and relevant to say. And as you can see I still don't, but I'm saying it anyway.)

Grrrrr

I hate posting when I am angry and depressed because I think of my blog as entertainment. And it is not very entertaining to hear my ranting and raving. In fact I don't completely understand why I am so totally upset about this entire incident. But I've come up with some ideas as I've been obsessing about it for the whole morning (and last night...). I don't like the feeling that I'm in the dark as far as major things happening at work. I like open communication. I like for my ideas to be heard, and my knowledge to be used. I like feeling that someone is actually listening to what I need for my job to get done, as well as what I need to feel like a necessary part of the team. I like feeling respected and having my talents used. Is that too much to ask? Okay, so maybe it is. But I do know that I did not feel this discontent one year ago. So am I the only thing that's changed?

The Basic Eight

I read an "adult book" by Daniel Handler this weekend called The Basic Eight. I have been struggling with what to say about this book. It has the same wonderful use of words as Mr. Handler's books written as Lemony Snicket: A penchant for telling us what the character really means by what they are saying, foreshadowing, talking to the reader, and defining things in an interesting way. He uses a diary format, but also includes vocabulary and discussion questions which are very funny. I have to say I was surprised by the ending, which rarely happens to me anymore, so that's a good thing. But I was also somewhat grimmed out by the whole thing, so maybe I should warn you, dear reader, to run in the other direction, or to go read something safe. But I won't.

Maybe I should get a paper route

Well, the evil thing happened again and I woke up at 5 am (for no reason except my body is stupid) and could not go back to sleep. Instead I did the dumb stuff where you toss and turn and go to the bathroom and toss some more and then try to think of something productive, but it doesn't work because my praying always turns into worrying at 5 am. So I worried about dumb things, and fretted over stupid things at work, picked all the little nits in my brain, and it still was not 6 am yet. I tried getting out of bed, but I was just too damn cold. I think Satan really does use those worrisome hours for evil, because I don't feel good this morning, I still feel worried and cranky about work things. I wish I could get the praying part of me to work better. Maybe then I could have overcome this and fallen asleep sooner than the alarm going off. Instead I fell asleep (for a few minutes) to the noise of Steve in the shower and got up very much groggier. At the very least it would be nice to find a peaceful part of waking up too early. I guess I can't because the devil makes me love sleep too much. (At least in the morning, its reading that keeps me up at night, but I don't think of that as devil's work. Maybe I should?)

Buffy

Okay, what kind of a name is Buffy anyway? Despite being prepared to dislike Buffy the Vampire Slayer purely on that account, I found that I actually enjoyed the first few episodes. It was humorous and very tongue-in-cheek. Admittedly a little too smarmy sometimes, but not offensively so. I guess you need to be open minded. I don't care for the spooky, dark, undead things, so I was glad for the spunky Buffy and friends who were very much alive and (mostly) having fun. The only thing I don't think I can do is make a short-term commitment to watching all 6 seasons of episodes on DVD. I might try a few more to have fun with, but it will be a while before I catch up. But, Joss Whedon non-withstanding, I pledge to avoid Angel. That looks to be a little too dark for my taste. And besides he gives me the heebie jeebies.

The Tortoise or the Hare

I was pondering the fact that I have only two speeds in my life: Overdrive and Off. I don't appear to be able to follow along at a moderate speed. I guess that means I'm more like the hare who speeds along, then takes a nap and loses the race anyway. And very unlike our reliable tortoise friend who believes in slow but steady. Clearly a winner.

Ouch

I'm very touchy this week. Its driving me crazy (and probably everyone else as well). So if I crawl into a hole and don't come out for a week, don't say I didn't warn you.

Happy Birthday Mom!

I grew up celebrating All Saint's Day as my mother's birthday. As a family we would go to Mass and then perhaps out to eat. I love to go to Mass on Holy Days because usually you get a group of people who want to be there instead of those who just think they have to. For me the whole experience of Church is one of community. So even on those days when I am distracted, or somehow unable to pray, I still come away with a feeling of being cared for and part of my community. So what happened today? I went to Mass at Siena with 400 middle schoolers who are as unsure of themselves as they are of their community (or so I thought). Bishop Clark gave the homily and shared a story about a girl at World Youth Day who had some trouble with a song she was leading, and about the support she was given not only by her fellow choir members, but by the entire group of 20,000 attendees. And you know what? I think the kids got it. They do realize that they are a community, a communion of saints, for each other. I got it, even though I didn't feel the same community I would have in my home church, I got it. I guess that's what Christian community is supposed to be about. Amen.