Merry Christmas!

It started on Friday...the Christmas spirit came in slowly. We went and cut down a tall skinny Christmas tree that fit perfectly in the living room. And in the evening we had a cookie party with some friends and decorated (and ate) many cookies. On Saturday we enjoyed our decorations and did some wrapping and "festive eating", including a delicious salmon dinner. The we went to Midnight Mass, (well, actually 10:30 , but we came home about midnight). That was very Christmassy and we saw some friends and actually gave the Merry Christmas greeting. The magical part was being able to sleep in until 9:30 in the morning! I got up and started work on dinner (lasagne) so I would just have to pop it in the oven later. Then we had a great brunch and the gift opening began. Its fun to take turns and actually enjoy watching other family members open the stuff you picked out for them. I was really impressed that someone paid enough attention that I got new slippers and a programmable crock pot and a new travel cosmetic case and some yummy gifts like chocolate biscotti and chocolate covered cherries. We finished the evening by watching a movie together after our delicious dinner. It was just a great family day...which is what holidays should be all about.

My Favorite Christmas gift (so far)

Yes! A new fridge! It is a family gift and not just for me...Even if it was I would share. :)
I especially like being able to get water to drink without opening the door!

In the news...

Agents are particularly frustrated that they cannot get approval to use Section 215 of the Patriot Act, called the "library provision" by Patriot Act critics because it could be used to search library or any other business records.

One FBI e-mail from 2003 complains that the Office of Intelligence Policy and Review (OIPR) "should be embarrassed that the FBI has used this valuable tool to fight terrorism exactly ZERO times."

The e-mail goes on: "The inability of FBI investigators to use this seemingly effective tool has had a direct and clearly adverse impact on our terrorism cases. While radical militant librarians kick us around, true terrorists benefit from OIPR's failure to let us use the tools given to us."

Interesting times...I'm not sure what I think about this. Talk amongst yourselves....

Signs and wonders

Elizabeth is coming home tomorrow. And Matthew got out the Christmas lights. There are snowflakes in the window. There's a box of wrapping paper in the upstairs hallway. There are 3 lit candles in the Advent wreath. The calendar says its December. Even baby Max has arrived. All the signs point to it being nearly Christmas. But I don't feel it yet. The stores have been playing the same music for weeks already, and so far I just find it annoying. Oh how I need a little spirit of Christmas! Maybe I really do need to think about gifts and wrapping and cookies...but I'm not quite ready yet. Is it because I secretly relish the panic of last minute preparation? Or is it because I know I will never really be ready for the hype? I am trying to be peaceful and spiritual and just keep it a wonderful family time. But I don't know who else has expectations that I'm failing miserably to meet. (Well maybe I suspect, but I'm trying to suppress that too). I guess I need to make a pre-New Year's resolution to try just a little harder this week. Maybe I will try to get organized tomorrow when I'm alone for a few hours. But that means I need to get in to work and get stuff done today (another concentration problem...ooh am I a mess). Well, here goes...

Selective hearing

The kitchen timer on the microwave is beeping. I can hear it. But I did not set it, so I don't have to turn it off. Apparently the man who set it does not hear it, or does not remember that he set it; no wait, he thinks it will turn itself off. I tell him I don't think it will, it never does. He thinks we should find out. My guess is that it would eventually drive me insane, but he would still be sitting here ignoring it, and that in fact it would not turn it self off for hours and hours.
I believe it must be in the same realm as the telephone ringing. I, and only I, can hear it ring and answer it. And no, it does not matter whether or not it is for me, but as my whole family *wrongly* contends, it is always for me. Actually it is usually for me; but if I have to run, wash my hands, get up from a warm cozy position, or wake up to answer it, inevitably it is for someone else.

Pseudo High

I did not sleep well last night. Okay and well you ask, what's new? This was the kind of chemical wakefulness that would not let me sleep restfully. I realized that over the last week I have ingested 6 small red pseudoephedrine pills, which although it is only 1/2 adult dose, once a day, has built up enough in my body to keep me awake (no matter how tired). I suspect it may also be responsible for the bizarre dreams of the last few nights. I do appreciate that it did the job of fending off the killer sinus headache (at least for a while) , so maybe its worth it. I have avoided the chemical help today, and amazingly the headache too, and I hope to sleep better tonight. Pleasant dreams.

Making Tea

I have been pondering whether it is the tea, or the ritual itself, which I am addicted to. I enjoy preheating the teapot, filling the kettle with fresh water, choosing a teabag, preheating the mug while the tea steeps for precisely 4 minutes. And the feeling of comfort, warmth, even relief , that comes with the first sip. I just don't get the same comfy feeling when I have a cup of tea somewhere else. I do enjoy the tea, and perhaps sometimes even need the caffeine. But its the ritual I crave.

Random musings

Don't have anything to post about, so I thought I'd just randomly say stuff and see if anyone comments. First of all I could talk about the nasty headache I had this morning, and how little work I got done. I never seem to be able to knuckle down and work when there are friendly people to chat with. I guess today I just was not motivated enough to fight the pain. I came home and listened to some of Thud!, the latest Terry Pratchett, on CD. Even though I already read the book its just a lot of fun to listen to. Briggs does a fabulous job with the voices. (At one point I felt like I was listening to a Monty Python dialog. It was great!) Then Matthew offered to make a stir fry for dinner. And I offered to make the rice. When I think of stir fry, I think of rice. And when I think of rice, I think of rice pudding. And when I think of rice pudding I just have to make some because I love it. (Okay admittedly I don't always make rice pudding when I think of it, because I would have to make it every few days or so. But I never think of rice pudding and don't think it sounds good.) And so we have rice pudding for dessert. And, last but not least, there's the excitement of having Olivia lend me her set of Buffy season 2 DVD's. Now I don't have to wait for holds to come in. Yea!

Sundays and Food

It must be the atmosphere surrounding the kitchen when we sit down to eat breakfast together, for somehow the talk naturally turns to food, as in "What's for dinner?", or "What's for dessert?", or even better, "Can I bake cookies?". This morning we discussed not only the dinner plan, but also the book of 1001 Cookie Recipes that I brought home from the library yesterday. Its fun to just speculate on how many different recipes we could try given the ingredients already in the house. Unfortunately I notice that the book is now just sitting here and I don't hear the mixer or smell any cookies baking. Perhaps later. But in the meantime Josh helped me (or rather I helped him) get a pot roast and vegetables in the crock pot. Lately he has been really interested in peeling vegetables and even fruit (like getting an apple peeled all in one long piece). He loves doing carrots, and today he even did the potatoes without complaint. But I figured out his secret. Its a competition within himself to get as fast at peeling as me. (I keep telling him about my many years of experience). He's doing really well at it. And I love having another kitchen helper. It makes me feel good when I know my kids can fend for themselves in the kitchen, and even get us all fed if they want to. (Matthew made a delicious spinach, broccoli, and feta quiche the other day. Yum!) I'm really lucky to have such a wonderful kitchen family. And baking together can be a great lot of fun too. I guess that's why I hardly ever do it on my own. It really is more fun to work together. If fact I hear the mixing bowls coming out now. I'm off to the kitchen...to watch at least.

Its a Parade!

Well the long awaited parade day was today. I was nervous enough without having the TAB members who were planning to dance with book trucks cancel out entirely at the last minute. So Xandi scrambled to call teen volunteers this afternoon and we culled together a (motley but lovable) group of kids to walk with. We had some great costumes...layered with jackets, hats and mittens in an attempt to keep warm. I think Adrienne and I were the only ones to figure out how to really dress warm (oh yeah, maybe that's cause we are sensible adults. But wait, if we were sensible what were we doing walking in a parade in December with a bunch of senseless kids? You decide.) In any case we learned a lot and I guess had a little bit of fun. The kids thought it was great to throw candy at people. I thought our newly painted, lighted, garlanded, and posterized book trucks looked great! And truly it could have been a lot worse. I guess what I really wonder is why no other adult staff member of the library thought this was worth doing? I mean there was the brass band ahead of us and firefighters wearing grass skirts behind us. Doesn't that sound like fun. If I (the old tired wretch that I am) can drum up the enthusiasm for this, anyone else should be able to!

Hibernation

I woke up this morning to the sound of my stomach growling and wondered how bears do it...hibernate I mean. I think I have the sleepy part down, and the slow metabolism, and the part where I don't really care about what else is happening, just getting some rest. But then there's my stomach saying don't try to ignore me for more than 8 hours. Maybe I could try an IV? But then there's the fact that after too many hours in bed my body starts to ache, at least in the stressful hip joints. I bet bears don't have to cope with that either.
Why is it that whenever I blog in the morning, (okay, maybe anytime I blog), it ends up being about sleep or the lack thereof. So instead I shall finish this blog talking about shoes. Despite the wonderful shoe shopping trip of last weekend I still have not found a new pair of good shoes. I realize that it takes time and energy, both of which I seem to have a short supply of, so I guess I should be patient. But I found these cute and comfortable Hush Puppies that were unfortunately 1/2 size too small. I have since searched to no avail online. Apparently they are a discontinued style and there must be a lot of people who wear 8 1/2 wide and have bought them all esp. in the color I liked. I found only one pair in a yucky brown that cost almost $80. So no luck with that. But at least it gives me hope that someday I may find the shoes for me. (Until then I may have to at least get some new inserts for my old shoes and keep on wearing them.)

Mountains?

I spent yesterday making mountains out of molehills. Every task seemed insurmountable, but wasn't. I was peeved after the 4 phone calls it took to borrow the projector from the town, but actually someone tracked it down for me and had it ready when I got there. (Then I felt sorry I had trash-talked about it. I should learn to keep my mouth shut.) Then there was the daunting full parking lot at Chase Pitkin; but yet, I walked in, got the poinsettias I wanted and walked right up to the cashier, no waiting. The pouring rain was still there, but somehow that didn't bother me as much. (At least not until I left my purse in the car and had to walk out to get it again to pay the cashier. That really got me soaked.) And then there was the Christmas Tree at the Webster Museum. I was all "woe is me" about decorating it alone. I actually laughed when I realized the thing was on a tabletop, maybe 2 feet tall. Definitely a molehill. Maybe today I should just look for molehills, and save the mountains for another day. (Vacation in the Alps?)

Body talk

I don't know if its like this for everyone, but anything my emotions feel, my body does too. Sometimes even when I am not consciously aware of something I feel it quite viscerally. So when I wake up with a fluttering stomach I have to figure out why. I get a case of nerves from weird things sometimes. Today I'm excited about Elizabeth coming home, so despite the fact that I'm not even traveling, my stomach thinks I am. Or maybe its just all the other stuff happening today combining with that bit of excitement. I have to be at St. Rita's at 1 pm (and apparently there are some high expectations about that) so perhaps I'm feeling some pressure there. And I need to get enough Tantalizing Titles together by noon today, so that has my mind racing. Or maybe I'm just hungry. :)

Deadline looms

What is this procrastination thing? I know the right thing to do. I know when to do it. But I don't. It's like some subliminal part of me wants to feel the stress of a deadline rushing past. You would think it would be better to get something out of the way and feel relieved. But noooo. I putter around and think about doing it. I do little parts of it. I write things in my head while I'm someplace where paper is inaccessible (always the shower, or even the pool, or the waterbed). Hmm maybe its a water thing. Maybe I need to work in a wet place (instead of a cold place). Or maybe I just need to get off my butt and get things done.
(You may have noticed that I even put off blogging. Its just til I have something coherent and relevant to say. And as you can see I still don't, but I'm saying it anyway.)

Grrrrr

I hate posting when I am angry and depressed because I think of my blog as entertainment. And it is not very entertaining to hear my ranting and raving. In fact I don't completely understand why I am so totally upset about this entire incident. But I've come up with some ideas as I've been obsessing about it for the whole morning (and last night...). I don't like the feeling that I'm in the dark as far as major things happening at work. I like open communication. I like for my ideas to be heard, and my knowledge to be used. I like feeling that someone is actually listening to what I need for my job to get done, as well as what I need to feel like a necessary part of the team. I like feeling respected and having my talents used. Is that too much to ask? Okay, so maybe it is. But I do know that I did not feel this discontent one year ago. So am I the only thing that's changed?

The Basic Eight

I read an "adult book" by Daniel Handler this weekend called The Basic Eight. I have been struggling with what to say about this book. It has the same wonderful use of words as Mr. Handler's books written as Lemony Snicket: A penchant for telling us what the character really means by what they are saying, foreshadowing, talking to the reader, and defining things in an interesting way. He uses a diary format, but also includes vocabulary and discussion questions which are very funny. I have to say I was surprised by the ending, which rarely happens to me anymore, so that's a good thing. But I was also somewhat grimmed out by the whole thing, so maybe I should warn you, dear reader, to run in the other direction, or to go read something safe. But I won't.

Maybe I should get a paper route

Well, the evil thing happened again and I woke up at 5 am (for no reason except my body is stupid) and could not go back to sleep. Instead I did the dumb stuff where you toss and turn and go to the bathroom and toss some more and then try to think of something productive, but it doesn't work because my praying always turns into worrying at 5 am. So I worried about dumb things, and fretted over stupid things at work, picked all the little nits in my brain, and it still was not 6 am yet. I tried getting out of bed, but I was just too damn cold. I think Satan really does use those worrisome hours for evil, because I don't feel good this morning, I still feel worried and cranky about work things. I wish I could get the praying part of me to work better. Maybe then I could have overcome this and fallen asleep sooner than the alarm going off. Instead I fell asleep (for a few minutes) to the noise of Steve in the shower and got up very much groggier. At the very least it would be nice to find a peaceful part of waking up too early. I guess I can't because the devil makes me love sleep too much. (At least in the morning, its reading that keeps me up at night, but I don't think of that as devil's work. Maybe I should?)

Buffy

Okay, what kind of a name is Buffy anyway? Despite being prepared to dislike Buffy the Vampire Slayer purely on that account, I found that I actually enjoyed the first few episodes. It was humorous and very tongue-in-cheek. Admittedly a little too smarmy sometimes, but not offensively so. I guess you need to be open minded. I don't care for the spooky, dark, undead things, so I was glad for the spunky Buffy and friends who were very much alive and (mostly) having fun. The only thing I don't think I can do is make a short-term commitment to watching all 6 seasons of episodes on DVD. I might try a few more to have fun with, but it will be a while before I catch up. But, Joss Whedon non-withstanding, I pledge to avoid Angel. That looks to be a little too dark for my taste. And besides he gives me the heebie jeebies.

The Tortoise or the Hare

I was pondering the fact that I have only two speeds in my life: Overdrive and Off. I don't appear to be able to follow along at a moderate speed. I guess that means I'm more like the hare who speeds along, then takes a nap and loses the race anyway. And very unlike our reliable tortoise friend who believes in slow but steady. Clearly a winner.

Ouch

I'm very touchy this week. Its driving me crazy (and probably everyone else as well). So if I crawl into a hole and don't come out for a week, don't say I didn't warn you.